Divorce and break-up rank as one of the most difficult and stress inducing decisions you will have to make in your life because there is so much at stake.
It Is A Terrible Idea To Make This Important Decision With High Egos, Pride, Anger, Vindictiveness, Frustration, Or Based On What Your Mom And Sister Think, Etc.
My Discernment Counseling clients are very intelligent, professional, well-educated, reasonable, and successful. But when it comes to matters of the heart, and dealing with the unique brand of high stress that comes with difficulty in a close relationship, all reason and intelligence goes out the door.
Doing couples counseling in it’s traditional format at such an advanced stage of conflict can sometimes create more confusion and conflict. It can even accelerate the demise of the relationship.
Discernment Counseling is for you if:
ONE PARTNER FEELS ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP IS THE ANSWER.
ONE PARTNER FEELS THERE IS STILL A CHANCE TO SAVE THE RELATIONSHIP.
YOU BOTH WANT CLARITY ON WHAT IS THE CORRECT PATH FOR ALL INVOLVED.
My success depends on your success as a couple. I will be guiding, facilitating and supporting both of you throughout therapy. I will be doing my best to make it less daunting and more doable.
During this therapy I don’t take the side of the wife or the husband; my allegiance is with the marriage itself. I take the marriage’s side.
Reconnecting with your partner involves both people to be open to accepting responsibility for their actions, not to decide who to blame, but as a first step to overcoming the issues that might be blocking intimacy and connection.
As impossible as finding love again may seem to you right now, please know that it is very possible. I have watched it being done time and time again in front of me.
There is such great work that has been done in the field of human connection and relationship recovery that it would be such a grave mistake to just sit in a relationship that you realize is sub-par and not take action to improve it.
Discernment Counseling will guide you to one of these three paths
STAY THE COURSE
In this path both partners decide to leave things as they are and continue to live as before without any change..
GO SEPARATE WAYS
In this path both partners agree to separation/divorce, they learn how to do this in order to benefit all involved parties.
6 MONTH COUNSELING PLAN
The couple agree to take the separation/divorce off the table and work on the relationship with couple’s counseling. This is not a life long commitment to the relationship, but a commitment to working on the marriage for 6 months with a re-assessment after that period.
Anyone who is considering divorce or break-up has probably already exhausted all avenues to improve their relationship. They are most likely very skeptical that their partner or their relationship can ever change for the better.
So, when nothing has ever worked thus far, why do I think that the 6 months of counseling will be some panacea that will solve it all?
The Answer Is That Discernment Counseling Takes You Through A Process That Results In Each Partner Literarily Developing A Written List Of 1) Their Own Personal Contribution To The State Their Relationship Is In Right Now 2) An Understanding Of The Dynamics Of The Relationship.
So, when it comes time to choose between the 3 paths, you are not agreeing to an abstract idea of “let’s try to make it work”. You have a clear understanding of what you need to do and what you can expect your partner to do in order to bring about positive change.
Each partner knows what they are getting into. There is an actual written agreement.
Winners All Around
- Discernment Counseling has the potential to save a relationship when nothing else works.
- It provides closure and clarity to each partner even if the couple decides not to stay together.
- Both people have the satisfaction of saying they tried everything before calling it quits.
- Co-parenting and communicating amicably becomes more possible.
- The divorce process becomes more clear when you have already negotiated the negative emotions and had a chance to consider everything to make an informed decision. As a result of Discernment Counseling people save thousands of dollars in attorney fees and a lot of time and emotions by not being petty and vindictive.
- This protocol becomes the moment of truth. While Discernment Counseling makes it easy for a partner who is trying to find clear solutions to saving the relationship, it also makes it difficult for a partner who was never truly serious about making amends to keep on faking.
Sanya Bari, MEd, LCP, NCC, CTS, CDCDiscernment Counselor
There is a maximum number of five sessions. At the end of each session, the couple decides whether they would like to come back for another session or not.
First Session Is Usually Two Hours. The Subsequent Sessions Are 1.5 Or 2 Hours.
The goal of these limited sessions is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable or not and if both people are willing to put in the effort needed to wean the realstionshp back to health.