Infidelity, Divorce, Heartbreak, & the Pain Cycle
Infidelity, Divorce, Heartbreak, & the Pain Cycle
Sanya Bari, MEd, LPC, NCC, CTS, NCC
Founder and CEO of Counseling With A Difference
When you get hurt, your natural defense system puts up walls to guard you against further pain. While this is important and helpful for you in the moment, it can become detrimental if you are not able to eventually find the bravery to safely deal with the pain.
“Not dealing with the emotional pain in the correct manner launches you in an exhausting pain cycle where you keep dating the same person with different names or date the ‘right person’ but eventually start seeing the same issues you were trying to avoid all along. Healing from pain in the correct manner is essential. Not only to your future relationships, but it is essential to your ability to find personal peace and joy.” Sanya Bari, LPC
To numb the pain I see some people launching into the dating seen full on, not realizing that unless they have done the healing work properly they are only signing up for more pain. I see others try to survive the hurt by hiding themselves away from people and becoming recluse. Both of these reactions can be justified and expected for a short period, but if they go on for too long the tendency to get back to a sense of normalcy becomes more and more difficult.
If you are getting started on your journey of healing, my advice to you is to not lose hope and motivation. Keep seeking, if the intention is made the universe will eventually show you a way. Healing is a reality, and with the right steps, it is possible. I have the honor to watch people pick themselves up from their rock-bottom and create themselves into someone even they are surprised and impressed by.
My goal of healing is to help in developing enough personal faith and security that the person who is hurt is not only able to see the ‘red flags’ for what they are, but they are able to have enough self-value and boundaries that they are able to act on the red flags as well.
Such a person is able to feel safe when looking for love and is able to have a safe courtship when they have found someone because they have all the internal mechanisms needed to protect themselves. The difference is that these protection mechanisms are now coming from a place of calm and confidence, not anxiety and defensiveness.
If you are in pain and need help, answers, or support, call me at (973) 713-7634.
